Confidence. It’s something we all want and need, but how do we attain it, and how can we unleash it when we need to?
Confidence and self esteem go hand in hand. We are all born with a level of confidence, and if you feel you need more there are steps that can be taken to raise your level of confidence and self esteem.
Self confidence affects every area of our lives from how we see ourselves to how we think others see us. Think of confidence as a gate. When our self confidence is low we let others overrun our natural protections. When our confidence level is dangerously low we can let ourselves get beat up emotionally by others furthering the downward cycle.
The good news is that you are NEVER permanently stuck; there is always a way out. When you are down you can always move up. Improving your self image has numerous benefits. Let’s look at how we can raise our level of self confidence, close the gate and protect our borders.
The Spectrum
Born with unique personalities, we tend to lean toward some things and away from others. Some love to take center stage while others are happy to be on the sidelines. Some of those on the side are happy to help those on center stage, while others just want to watch and not get involved at all, period.
No matter where we fall in those categories some level of confidence is required to operate in each of them. Some people seem to be born with rich deposits of confidence where they are not afraid to try new things not knowing whether or not they will succeed makes no difference in their willingness to “try”.
People like this tend to be greatly admired as it seems they live without fear of others’ opinions. Did you catch that? It’s 100% true! For people in this category, it is not about whether or not they succeed, the satisfaction for them comes from trying. They do not place ultimate satisfaction on success, yes, it’s nice to “win”, but for them, it is about the experience. It is about the “joy” in trying.
How to Determine Where You Are on The Spectrum
Have you ever asked yourself how some people can feel so confident they honestly don’t care what others think? They are literally unaffected by the opinion of others. Why is it they are like that, and how can I get to that place? These are the right questions to be asking.
In order to determine where you are on the spectrum, you’ll need to be honest with yourself and do a little self assessment. Growth occurs by asking yourself important questions. First off, those who seem to be completely unafraid of the results and are eager to try new things are placing their focus on the right spot. The key is that they do NOT put the focus, or emphasis on winning, but on trying. They are not concerned so much about what others think about them and whether they succeed or not. For them, the “win” comes from the fact that they gave it a “try”. These folks were able to enjoy the experience more than the “outcome”. They see deep and meaningful value in experiencing and enjoying experiences and the variety in life.
The reason the outcome does not affect their personal view is due to the fact that they are deeply confident as it is so a “win” at the end does not change how they see themselves. Did you catch that? Their confidence isn’t based on their outward circumstances through successes and wins, but rather it is a belief within that keeps them strong and grounded. Having a deep abiding confidence means that they are not shaken by losses or even rejection. They view themselves in a positive light regardless of current circumstances.
Bringing it Home
No matter what your age, size, or race, greater confidence is possible. You may be asking, “so how do I get there?” “How can I reach that level of deep abiding confidence?” The first step is to complete a self assessment. From this, you will be able to see where you are placing your emphasis. If you feel you are one who is on the sidelines watching then there is much to be learned from how those on center stage operate. Keep in mind that when you base your worth on “wins” rather than on enjoying experiences you will always fall short and see yourself as less than. Operating in such a manner shows your self perception is based on your individual performance and not your overall value, and THAT is what needs to shift in order to walk in deep confidence.
Shifting Your Focus
The first step is to identify where your focus and emphasis lie. If we were face to face right now and I asked you if you were a good person you would most likely answer, “yes”. If I then asked if you have worth and value, you would also most likely answer, “yes”, and that is good. While it may be hard for some to see their value I think that deep down inside we all know we have worth and value. Ok, but what if you tried something and failed, does that change your value? You’d most likely answer no, it does not, but most of you would still relate your worth to your success.
You see, what really needs to change here is your viewpoint. So here’s the kicker, you need to re-train your mind to see yourself as a person of value simply because you exist, not because of what you can do! You need to not only understand but believe that you ARE indeed a person of worth and value. You add value just by being present; which leads us to our next question that needs to be answered.
Who’s Driving This Train?
The next step is to re-train your thinking about yourself. The most important question you will ask yourself is…”Who’s driving this train anyway?” The answer should be a resounding, “I am!!” If it’s not you, then you need to fire the engineer and in some cases, if your gate is broken you may have unwillingly given your train over to multiple engineers.
It all begins with realizing YOU are in control and YOU and YOU alone get to drive the train! If I asked you right now what your self perception of (insert your name here) is what would you say? Do you have a positive or negative self perception? Yes, we ALL have issues, that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m asking whether or not you believe you have value. Now ask yourself, “why don’t I give myself credit for those things?” Undoubtedly you’ve seen those positive traits in others and give them credit, but you can’t seem to do that for yourself.
Just like them, you are worthy of accolades as well! Self acceptance, self esteem, self confidence or self worth, call it what you like, they all stem from how we see ourselves; which makes this an important step in unleashing the power of confidence in your life. Realizing and walking in the FACT that YOU have worth and value is absolutely, 100% life changing! You do! Your life matters and how you view yourself DIRECTLY IMPACTS your level of self confidence.
Now it’s Time to Peel Back the Layers
Perhaps you can’t seem to believe that you’re pretty amazing because someone told you otherwise. Parents in a moment of frustration and now those stinging words rear their ugly head and haunt you. Perhaps it was kids at school throwing you under the bus so they wouldn’t be the ones being bullied. You could have been passed up for a promotion that you thought for sure you’d get. Whatever your particular situation you MUST realize YOU are NOT the sum of these lies, negative thoughts, or circumstances. Every one of us faces adversity, and we can use confidence to bring us to a proper perspective.
Taking Inventory
This next step takes a little more time but propels you toward greater confidence faster than any other method. It begins with you being able to determine when and where your belief of low value and lack of worth began. Getting down to the root is always the best way to stop those pesky feelings from growing and resurfacing once again.
Please note this is not to place blame on others, but for you to track down the inception of these foul beliefs. Trust me, it’s easier to stop the negative self sabotaging behavior when you can catch the “lie” and replace it with what’s true. I found it helpful to become more cognizant of when the negative self deprecating thoughts arose and my lack of confidence plummeted even more. In doing so I was able to mark it down, recognized a pattern, and was able to correct my thinking in those areas.
It’s Time to Usher In a New Way of Thinking
Out with the old and in with the new! Seriously though, it is time to replace the old outdated, unwanted inventory and move in some new healthy thought patterns. This begins with changing how you speak, about yourself and others! No more negative Nillie here! I don’t care if you feel like you are memorizing lines to a play you’ve got to change your daily mantra. I began saying, “I am loveable and I am capable.”
Honestly, it doesn’t matter where you start, but when you use this method you WILL see lasting results. You must remember you didn’t arrive at where you are overnight, these changes will take place over time. One day it just seems to click and you’ll be able to say, “heck yeah, I’m pretty awesome!” and actually believe it. Please understand that confidence is different than being cocky and prideful.
Start reciting affirmations daily. No matter what your love language is we ALL respond well to positive affirming words, and it’s more than ok that you are saying them to yourself! You can say them in the morning as you are getting ready in your bathroom and even use a dry erase marker to write them on your mirror, but the key is to hear yourself verbally saying these things out loud to yourself. In the evening you need to read them over and or say them out loud to yourself again. The more you get these truths in your head the more you will come to believe them.
Start with these affirmations:
I am loveable and capable
I am not only valuable, but I bring value wherever I go
I have great worth
I have purpose
I walk in my purpose
I am kind to others
I enjoy trying new things and am not afraid to fail
I like myself
My life has meaning
I am a good friend
I am loved, in fact I love myself
I was created for great destiny
My life matters
I show others that they matter
I am confident
I am strong
I am bold
I am not afraid to share my opinion
I am not swayed by the opinions of others
I walk confidently
I do not allow myself to be treated poorly
I have a strong gate and healthy boundaries
I daily take care of my mind and my body
Once you begin to say these out loud you will come to believe them and walk in the truth of them, and trust me that is such a beautiful thing! I’m writing these things out of my own story, my own experience with confidence. I WAS a very shy, introvert on the sidelines happy to just watch, not be watched. Now, I am happy to be on center stage from time to time, and even seek out opportunities that will land me on center stage!
Walking In Greater Confidence Is More Than Possible
Whatever your overall self confidence goal is know that it IS attainable, I know because I am living proof. I used to watch life pass me by, but now I enjoy experiences no matter who is watching. I don’t take my worth from my success or my wins. My confidence is based not on my performance, but in knowing I have intrinsic worth and value placed there by my Creator God.
I would be remiss if I didn’t share with you that my journey to strong confidence came from a time in my life where my gate had been trampled, numerous people had run over it and me, and I was suffering from depression because of it. I sought counseling and was directed to a book that completely changed my life. It is the best book I have ever read outside of the Bible.
Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson is that life changing book. (You can order the book here) (Order the study guide here) It is truly an amazing book, and reading it took the blinders off, repaired the gate, and helped me understand my worth and value doesn’t come from trying to please others, but from my Father God. He and He alone is the reason I have worth and value. You see, just like me, you were created for a purpose. You were given gifts to use as a blessing for yourself and others. Every one of the above affirmations can be backed up by scripture. Neil shares many affirmations in the book which brought me from darkness to victory, from living without hope to strength and purpose.
My prayer for you is that when you find Christ you find true and lasting confidence that comes from being His child.
If you have not ordered my FREE eBook 7 Days To A More Confident You I urge you to do so. You can sign up by clicking the lp.Constant Contact link below or simply use the tan sign up form located to the right of each page here on my blog.
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As always, I’m rooting for ya!
Xoxo,
Karen
